Surgery

I slept quite well, though woke early. My sister was there. The nurse offered “a little something for my nerves,” a small pill. I left it on the night stand. “I feel fine. I don’t need it.”
“We recommend you take it regardless,” she urged.
“Really, I’m fine. I don’t like to take medicine unless absolutely necessary.” [...]

Hospital Check-in

The afternoon before surgery, my sister accompanied me in. I felt fine, I was ready to get it done. We were told that the doctor wouldn’t be free for a few hours, so we should go have lunch and return. We joked that I needed a beer, and the nurse informed us that would [...]

On Fighting and Crying

Ok, in light of all the past week’s happenings, it time for a reconnaissance. (And as anyone who goes through this knows, military terms are precisely the most appropriate, because all this now becomes a battle of the cells, the Goodies vs. the Badies.)
The spinal scare put everything into perspective. (And there is always “perspective” [...]

How will a simple x-ray detect cancer?

Jen and I went to the hospital and had the spinal x-rays. She is a smartypants and explained to me how an x-ray would work for such a situation. When a bone experiences trauma, the body, of course, reacts to repair it. Cancer on the spine would register as a trauma. The resulting repair activity [...]

The Scariest Day of my Life

It was his assistant who called. She said, “we need you to come back in for a spinal x-ray today. We have found a spot on your spine.”
I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but it was brief. I put down the phone and told Jen the news. I was due to go into [...]

Wonderful Men and Well-Meaning Friends

On the hard day of receiving the results, I was not able to call my bf until the train ride home. Of course I wasn’t going to get into it on the cell phone, him at work and me in public. I just told him “it is not what we’d hoped,” and that we’d speak [...]

Last weekend of duel-breastdom and decent showers

I’m posting a lot right now, but a lot was going on at this time last year:
My sister Jen was very smart in presenting the news to my family, in that she avoided saying that it was worse than we expected and instead focused on the fact that the news was to be considered “good”. [...]

The Moments After

As soon as we were done I bolted out of the office and made my way to the bathroom. While my sister exchanged closing comments with the doctors, I wanted a minute alone to get myself together. I had just washed my hands and dammed up the leak of tears when my sister came in [...]

Today it Came Crashing Down (biopsy results)

After my biopsy my sister stayed on for a bit and we had a nice visit, the terrible reson for her being there little acknowledged, but making us feel close nonetheless. (There was the moment that I coaxed her into feeling the heavy bastard of a lump. I never thought I’d put my sister’s hand [...]

The days between biopsy and final results…

Tomorrow is the anniversary of getting my biopsy results. Meanwhile:
• To this point I haven’t cried at all. I’m really so relieved that I’m not headed for chemo. I’m going to have a rough couple of months and then I’ll be “good as new”.
• I haven’t really acknowledged the fact that once you have cancer, [...]