This is a “full circle” story. As such, I’ve decided I’ll be doing some toggling between the past and the present. After all, the most interesting part about where I’ve been with this cancer, is where I am now. Because I’m in a good place. I’m in that place where suddenly, I’m starting to feel like myself again. I feared that wasn’t really going to happen. So for those of you who may just be embarking on your own difficult story with BC, I want to assure you show you that it will. That the roller-coaster that is your life right now doesn’t go nowhere, and doesn’t ultimately lead you to a place so far off from where you started that you are lost. It will feel like it for a while. But not forever. To that end, if you don’t believe me, here’s a photo of me in Turkey, finally starting to see the me that was here this time last year.

Me this time last year: Days before it all began.

me dubrovnikdel and i

Me today: In the hat with my “cancer vixen” friend Jess, and then also with my bf from NYC.

me and jessall 3 sunset

Life is good today. That’s what I want to convey. Turkey is the first time I had some drinks, without anxiety that it’s not good for me. Turkey is the first time I’ve been dancing since the top photos were taken, and the first time I’ve done exercise without being careful and aware of my surgery side. In short, whereas I lamented for the longest time that I would forever feel like I went from 29 to 50, I am starting …finally…to feel 30 again. That is a very triumphant feeling.

I promise in the course of the story, to be as honest as possible…even when it comes to things that aren’t easy or are usually embarrassing to talk about. Having waited a year to do this means I have some of the emotional distance necessary to poke around the wounds of some moments, and the perspective to know what things aren’t talked about enough but really need to be. Knowing that it all ends well, I hope you enjoy the ride.



Filed under breast cancer, life, this time THIS year

2 responses to “beginnings…endings

  1. Thanks so much for sharing this. Right now it’s hard to believe that life can ever have a semblence of normalcy again. It’s truly wonderful and encouraging to see how blessed you are.

  2. Traci

    Just now finding your blog, and thank God I did. I’m about seven months into my cancer journey after being diagnosed with rectal cancer in April. I’m 41 years old — too young for colorectal cancer, I’m told. But as you already know, cancer doesn’t discriminate.

    I see I have a lot of catching up to do on your blogs, but better late than never.

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