What Now?

In the grand scheme of things, to some extent, we’ll see. I am one who doesn’t like to overly plan, but I do have the outline drafted: for starters, I go back to work on 1 January. I feel ready to go back. I miss my trips from one continent to the other. Meeting friends in different countries for dinners, whom I would otherwise probably lose touch with over time.

I admit though, I am a little nervous about the fatigue factor so I am hoping not to fly full-time anymore. The commuting across the ocean and the continual jetlag now seems a daunting readjustment. I’d like to continue spending more time on my writing or other things. Generally this is within my power as I can give away my trips to others; I am only required to cover them. That is one of the things that drew me into staying in the job. (After initially doing it “for a few years”, as most of us start out. More senior flight attendants laugh right out loud when the young girls say this. How right they were…)

However, on occasion I am obligated to fly a schedule completely at the company’s whim, filling in for last minute flights that need more crew. Perhaps someone has not made it to work for whatever reason; perhaps a flight ends up with enough passengers to require additional crew; perhaps it is delayed and the original crew is “illegal” to work the extended hours. Whatever the reason, these schedules of “reserve” flying are unpredictable and always strenuous, as we are worked to the limits of what is “legal”. (Say, 14 hour days with only 8-10 hrs. off-duty in between, for days at a time.) In the best of times I am unwell by the end of the month. When I return in January I will have to do this for 2 months in a row. Maybe I’m being a wuss about it, but I sincerely fear how my body will take this abuse after so long without and cancer treatment inbetween. So…we’ll see if I can arrange my first few months to be PT (only possible for medical reasons I believe, and taking some arranging). I’d like to ease back into the job a bit.

The process of reconstruction is also not complete, for those that forget. I keep getting comments of surprise that it’s not all finished. But this was just the first (and only major) surgery. In March (I calculate) will come the surgery for any adjustments that need to be made, including that “upgrade”. So the worst is definitely over (knock on wood), but they’re some things to tie up still.

And then there’s the blog. I really enjoy it, but perhaps my time on this topic will be done. Do I continue here but talk about whatever, or is that cheating what I started here? I could continue all posts on my other one, though Killer Boob has more habitual readers. I am leaning towards the latter option, but I have some time to decide.

As for the rest? We’ll see. The bf is in the midst of changing jobs and we don’t know yet where that will take us. He wants to live in America. I adore Europe, but I would welcome not having to commute so far, between so many time zones. I wouldn’t mind being closer to the family. I wouldn’t mind having my money be worth something! (The dollar is $2.06 to the pound and $1.45 to the Euro. Ouch!) But hey, at this point I will be grateful not to have any needles near me, no matter where that is.

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2 Comments

Filed under breast cancer, reconstruction ("upgrade"!), recovery, this time THIS year

2 responses to “What Now?

  1. Oh you are at that “beautiful” point…you are planning ahead!! You are thinking about what you want, how you will manage and what this will mean in your life. And I think you will find that you will make even more adjustments..not just to the reconstruction process. You still have wants/desires that you always had but one thing I’ve learned through cancer is that compromise is so much easier than it was before. Because we know what truly matters and are more able to be flexible.
    It sounds like you have a good lead on this…and it will be interesting to see where life takes you.
    I do 3 blogs…I still talk about cancer and life separately because I feel that not everyone really “gets” what this is about. And I find that I am 3 separate entities even though I am “one” person. I like that I can diversify..that’s what I mean about being flexible. You are at such a good place right now…the moving forward to moving beyond. And it is so exciting and exhilarating to be moving away from cancer 24/7!!

  2. I hope you keep blogging. You continue to be an inspiration to many people including myself. I agree with Sherry that it’s great to see you thinking and planning your life without cancer being in the picture. We are not there yet but we hope to be within a couple of months. You kind of remind me of that person who is always hiking ahead of me in the group, encouraging everyone to “come on up and see the view.”

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