Ok so, I’m going to admit I’ve been having some shadowy fears pop up this week. I know that this is natural, particularly after doing the whole cancer thing, but that reasoning hasn’t been enough to quite make it go away this time.
I’ve been experiencing pins and needles in my legs off and on for about a week. Not intensely. Not the kind I get when exercising for the first time in a while. Not the kind I blogged about earlier from getting overheated. These are not an itch. They’re just…prickly. The tinyiest scratch over a particular spot chases it away, but of course there will be little spots lightly buzzing around the legs, not just one. It’s gentle, not intense or dense. As a matter of fact I’ve been telling myself it is just imagination since it started. I don’t feel it when I’m moving or absorbed in something, just when I’m sitting still – say watching TV. Notably, I haven’t felt it when I go to bed at night, when I might most expect it. That gives me hope that it’s all paranoia.
I’m hoping that it is some side affect of Tamoxifen or something else. My worst fear? That it is MS. I can hardly even stand to type that. I’m fighting that fear because I think the negative feeling it brings is the worst thing for a person – in any event. I haven’t even mentioned it to anyone because I know the fear it would strike into the hearts of my family as well. I can’t imagine such a terrible turn of luck after all this. I mean – I am nearing the age my mother was when she was diagnosed. Maybe that is enough to bring out imagined symptoms? I don’t even want to have such a dark thought. But I have to admit it has been lurking.