I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been successfully able to think of other things to do. It’s not that I can forget I have cancer, in fact, I haven’t been able to make it to work or to do anything in my old life. I’ve just been better at distracting myself with other things. Until tonight… Or should I say this morning. Here I am, 3am and counting, and wide freaking awake.
My second round of chemo went OK. It was more or less discovering that it had the same symptoms as the first, but different days. So while you’re able to expect the same things, you still aren’t able to anticipate when or where or how you’ll feel from one day to the next. Maddening, right?
Then I started round 3, and thought I’d at least know what I don’t know. I’m learning that’s the only thing I do know. Only now I’m working up some kind of funk to go with it. And I going on day 5 of fatigue that makes it really hard to want to sit up, much less get up, from whatever prone state I’m in. It’s actually quite dumbfounding that you can be so tired you don’t want to eat or pee, but you can’t actually fall asleep. So here I sit… wide awake…but tired to my very core…rambling.